Redirecting my Thoughts
i overcame my fears; mourned, cried, screamed… and He was there for it all – like no one else has ever been. i try to play like the “tough guy” yep that’s me; a cold hearted bitch. It is SO wrong although i will never let them know. To all on the outside i am the heartless bitch, however, for those few who are close enough to know the real me, they know i am nothing more than a burnt marsh mellow- hard, black, and crispy on the outside and soft and vulnerably gooey on the inside.
But- i did as Sir said; “Do not hold it in; let out what you feel or else others will pay in the end.” i was beginning to go off on a tangent of grief and loss and mourning; for what he was i will never forget; the one man in my life aside from my Master that i have ever been able to trust… gone now… and even worse than this ideal is watching my mother whom i have always been on shaky grounds with but still respected and seeing the one person above her that always made it feel we were welcomed; gone now…
That is where my mind was and needed to be for a while; Master Homis then redirected. No need to not think of how you miss him; no need to deny or mask what you feel. Master made me come to terms as if i could actually be there when my mother held him as he took his last breathe- to tell him all i wished i had said and more importantly to suck up my pride and be there for my mother as she lost her very only connection to all…
And i cried more and Master Homis held me through it all…He caressed me and took care as He gently stroked each portion of my body, each portion of my pain. It was so very simple and at the same time complex; for as a good Master in such situation; He must redirect my thoughts. And that is exactly what He did; miraculously, genuinely, lovingly, and at the same time as harshly as i truly needed Him to be.
i stopped crying; not because He made me but because i thought i had nothing left. He told me to sit and spoke words of wisdom and kindness. Master Homis then stated that i was not to stand but must continue on my hands and knees. He then instructed me to change music, get Him a drink, and light cigarettes all on my hands and knees. The overwhelming feeling i had was a mixture between completeness for finally being at His will after so much had been occurring to stop such and idolization for knowing He was redirecting my thoughts to help me get off this nightmarish train of loss…
Soon things began to feel comforting and normal as i listened to Master Homis’ words of wisdom, beckoned at His every command and felt my true submissiveness come forth. (By the way- this is indeed the first time i have been in entire agreement with my submission being a gift; after loss of a family member and having no choice but to place Master’s needs on the back burner to deal with other on-goings of those things that go along with having to ensure all is in order after death; being placed back into submission at Master’s will as He deemed the proper time was indeed the best gift i have ever experienced.
Master Homis had me wait on Him in every which way for a bit before deciding to go back to square one and play with His zipper of clothespins on my breast. It felt invigorating and amazing! i must note it was odd as i had worked up to such an amazing level of pain tolerance and in some ways it seems as though Master is having to train me all over to make up for time lacked. Luckily i have a strong pain tolerance by nature so the clothespins were nothing at all. Ah Hem…. This is NOT me being cocky about the next set having tacks in them all…i swear to always give an honest portrayal of my feelings; mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Sir ripped the line of clothespins off like there was no tomorrow and without missing a beat looked right into my eyes and said “Are you horny for my cock?”….um yeah?!! OK for real; all i could respond with was an arching of my back; backwards and squeezing my eyes shut; trying to digest it all. Master Homis wanted me then and there and up until now – it all seemed so robotic…
After i composed myself mentally (um- fuck yeah; physically i was ALL ready to go)… i made my way over to the saw horse of which Master instructed me to bend over. i looked at Him as if to ask permission to stand- that is what is so lovely about how close we are; so much can be said with NO words at all. So i proceeded to stand as He wished and He beat my ass. This ass beating was much more gentle then many from the past but with my over emotional state it felt so very soothing and amazing. i finally felt relief, remorse, loss poured from my soul; all that i thought i had gotten to the surface finally prevailed.
Master Homis bent me over the saw horse, rubbed my ass, and pushed His cock deep inside of me. i felt Him holding so tightly to my hips to ensure He had the perfect leverage to fuck His pussy as deeply as He could. His great cock forcefully moving in and out of this vulnerable pussy; so delicately unused for the past (hmmmm…ok) day or maybe day and a half heh… And soon after, without a care in the world if i was fulfilled or done or what have you (which is why i sadistically love this whole slave thang) He came so very deep inside me. Yes indeed- Master Homis redirected my thoughts and i came to realize that he truly does rule all! (and what a comforting realization this is).
~vie
| 2.7 |
April 15th, 2008 at 10:16 am
so good to hear you are doing much better. You have a loving Master as I do.