The unposted comment…
I wrote this all a few nights ago, perhaps a week and a half ago. I didn’t like the way everything went and wrote it up, but I decided not to post the comment, I waited till morning and instead of hitting post, I copied and pasted to desktop document. I suppose in my mind I had hoped that I was all wrong in what I had written, but some part of me felt the need to keep it. The comment was on her post about “Justification? / Protection? / Understanding…Cont’d“.
I was so proud of viemoira for her posting this when I read it, she is letting people get a glimpse of her heart and soul. This is certainly a step in the right direction as far as I can see. The one thing I see that makes me wonder is the very beginning and the very end. In the very beginning she talked about giving up control and in the end she states she wants her master. As her husband and, by her choice, master I find it interesting what she has written.
We have had our rough moments, they have not been fun while they are occuring, but in my opinion they are by far worth it with the good times we for have and seeing what is in her heart and soul.
The things that go through my mind are that she wants her master… Fair enough, at least if she truely wants this, here is where the other part comes in…
If I am to be master then it need be all the time or none, not a matter of when it is convienent.
I will give up my title of master if she doesn’t want me in that spot, I am happy to be viemoira’s husband, and her master given her consent.
My problem comes up when things don’t go the way viemoira would like, things become misunderstood, or some other thing that I don’t understand occurs, next thing I know viemoira no longer wants me to have control but rather gos onto pissed off mood, what I say has no meaning. She claims she wants me in control, yet refuses to do anthing that is asked of her let alone what is ordered from telling her to listen to trying to get her to come to bed to be warm and comfortable rather than sleeping on the couch.
Things go south and no matter what I say or do, my control is thrown aside. I’m torn with the idea of letting her go or not, having her come to bed, or being the hardass and dragining her there.
I’m baffled by the request for master yet not wanting to listen or do what her master tells her as well when things are rough.
This was all a comment I had in mind for a post for wrote a few days back, a post of how much she wants her master, yet she blew up and decided that that wasn’t the time for a master. I gave it till morning and decided to not post the comment, but instead for some reason I decided to keep it as a document. Seems we are at another one of those moments and the whole thing applies.
viemoira again won’t listen to me, somehow I have destroyed her and our family and when confronted with the idea of compliant versus convienent took her collar off, I ended up throwing it from that point into someones yard, who knows if it will be found, but we hve had so many nights of her giving up her collar that I’m fed up with the whole thing. all or none, I will be master but she must accept my word, no more playing. I was fine in the beginning with not being master, I never asked for it. I chose to explore a different lifestyle because it was something that interested viemoira and she felt it would help her, as a result I went along with it.
At this point I’m pretty well convinced that she wants it solely to be beat on her terms to justify whatever she went through before we met, trouble is that I’m not down for beating people. As long as it suits her, she’s all for it, but watch out when the moment comes that she decides everything is everyone elses fault, or she feels wronged.
I’m fed up with it, as said all or none. I won’t waste my time trying to learn to be a good master, waste my time figuring out rules, punishment, or anything else for a lost cause. At this point the ball is in her court, she wants a master, then she needs to accept it and deal with what is included with the request, otherwise I’ll be just joe smiley husband.
-MH, nah I’m not master homis, I’m just me, a guy trying to be what I can, I’m just homis.
-Homis
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