Trauma To Wake The Soul
I hadn’t posted in a while, I had been so caught up in my own self pity, depression that I couldn’t bring myself to write anything. Since the last post, I have had a number of people pushing me to keep going, that things will all be okey in the end. While I did feel better talking to friends, letting out my feelings, I still felt empty inside. A feeling like I had no reason to do anything, be anything, and in terms of the blog, say anything. I didn’t know what to do with myself, so I would try to surround myself with people, just to get me out of my own head even if it was for just a short time. When that wasn’t going on I was hearing about who my true friends were, and were not, both from home (what was) and where I m now and having a number of people from around here looking for retribution for things I was not responsible for. While i would never do anything stupid, I had the feeling of “would it be so bad if something happened to me?”, I had gotten reckless in silly things like crossing the street with out bothering to look for traffic, let alone wait for it, I had it in my mind how easy it would be to just have someone run me down, a situation that would not have been in my control.I had just gotten a new job, hung out with with my closest friends, one of which loaned me vehicle till I could get my own. A chance to get back on my feet and begin life again. Even if I did have that empty feeling, it seemed as though I might somehow recover, might have a chance.
Tonight a lot of things changed in my mind. I had gone to work for my second day at this one particular job and finally got out at 11:00. I wanted to ask one of my new coworkers a question, but something came up so I just headed home because I had to give a friend a hand with computer problems and it ws already late. I ended up parking on my family’s front yard, my typical spot, got out of my buddy’s truck and started the walk toward my destination. It’s not uncommon to hear people tearing down the road I was on, way over the speed limit, tonight was no different in hearing that sound coming around the corner. I had turned to look who was coming around, heard the the sound of breaks and the yelling. It seemed as though the person driving was going over 70MPH came around.
Suddenly he was stopped, there was a second between what I saw and feeling the glass from 75 feet away covering me, a second before my mind could register the sound that happened when he stopped. I called 911 while I could hear the driver screaming for help, while his buddy in the car took off running into the woods. All the neighbors came out to see what had happened, a few to see if they could help. One of the neighbors got the driver out of the mangle car onto the road, he hit the ground like an old chewed up ragdoll. In the back seat was another kid, not moving, no one could even see that he was there. The police arrived as well as fire dept and ambulances to deal with the disaster, they found the third kid in the back seat, didn’t seem to think he was going to make it.
I spent a good while writing up my statement for the police, they found the guy that ran off, and had me checked out to make sure that I hadn’t been injured.
If I had waited two minutes it would have been my vehicle instead of the tree that got hit, for some reason tonight I decided to not cross over to the sidewalk and tomorrow I will wake up and continue to walk. That moment tonight was perhaps the end I was looking for, the metaphorical death that I felt I earned. By some luck, I was given another chance to begin life again with just a few scratches.
I feel I can finally sleep, but I do want to continue on this tomorrow, a follow up post and some shots of the property damage that was done.
-Homis
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